Birthdays can be complicated, can’t they? On the surface, they’re meant to be about celebration; another year of life, more memories, more growth. But for many of us, they stir up something much deeper.
This year, my birthday brought up thoughts about my relationship with my parents. I often wished it could have been different; warmer, more nurturing, more of what I needed. Strangely, I’ve found that since both of them passed, my relationship with them has softened. I’ve been able to hold more compassion, and in many ways, I actually feel closer to them now than I did when they were alive. There’s something about time, distance, and reflection that allows us to make peace with what was, even if it wasn’t what we longed for.
Then there’s the reality of birthdays when you have children. They can easily get lost in the everyday demands of life. The school run still has to be done, packed lunches still need to be made, and the usual chaos of family life doesn’t pause just because it’s your day. For me, there’s also a fine balance between doing something to celebrate and doing something the children can actually tolerate! Going out for dinner rarely works; too many variations in what everyone will or won’t eat so celebrations often look pretty low key.
And, of course, birthdays have a way of holding up a mirror to our expectations of ourselves. They can shine a light on where we feel ‘behind’. Maybe you thought that by now you’d be more ‘sorted’; more established, more healed, more at peace. Sometimes that gap between where we thought we’d be and where we actually are feels sharpest when another year is marked by candles on a cake.
Over time, I’ve come to see birthdays differently. They’re not just about celebration or disappointment; they’re markers along the journey. They remind us not only that time is passing, but that we’ve gathered strength, resilience, and wisdom along the way even if life doesn’t look like the picture we had in our minds.
So if birthdays stir up complicated feelings for you too, about family, about time, about where you thought you’d be, know that you’re not alone. Maybe this year, instead of focusing on what isn’t, we could pause and honour what is; the strength we’ve found, the lessons we’ve learned, and the simple fact that we’re still here, still growing, still becoming.
These days, I make sure I take at least a little time for myself. This year, I went to the spa (the weather was rubbish, so no long walks or outdoor adventures!) and I tried not to work. It’s not always easy, but carving out something that’s just for me feels important.
What I’m most grateful for is that I’m actively growing and developing. I’m working on myself every day (or at least most days!), and when I look back, I can see how much I’ve learned and changed over the past year. That, for me, is the real gift a birthday brings: the reminder that we’re still a work in progress, and that’s something to be proud of.
What do birthdays stir up in you?